Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Found the puke drawer
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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