my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
