I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize