haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
