If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
