I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
