Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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