At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
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He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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