fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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