he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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