how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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