I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
