return my video game
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
