this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
