So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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