just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.