then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Sorry about my life...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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