I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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