hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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