Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
