Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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