now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
