Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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