A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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