After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I need a beard to bite.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
