is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
