I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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