You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
