So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
