Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
