His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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