he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize