I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
