1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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