when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
