Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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