after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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