I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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