I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
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So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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