omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
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Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
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You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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