Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
