i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
