Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
