So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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