Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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