Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
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he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
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This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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