My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I look better un-naked...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
