There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
