Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We're too hungover to prance.
did i just pee glitter
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
