Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize