Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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