that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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