I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
