I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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