she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
