the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
