: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
two words...techno handjob
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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