just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
