This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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