Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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