I need help removing her.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
