Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
