so explain again why im purple
no
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
