i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
