Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize