the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
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he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
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how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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